Right to Intelligence

In a remarkably productive session of the parliament, the legislature has introduced a new bill which can revolutionize the country. The new bill, called the Right to Intelligence Act has been tabled close to the introduction of another bill, called the Right to Food Act. Just as the Right to Food Act is expected to end hunger in India by providing subsidized, and if required, free food to people, the Right to Intelligence Act will ensure that no man, woman or child will be left behind in the intelligence stakes.

The bill was jointly tabled at the working session of the Lok Sabha yesterday by Mr. Pranab Mukherjee, the Finance Minister, and Mr. P. Chidambaram, the Home Minister. Mr. Mukherjee hailed the bill as path-breaking and said that it will ensure that no one will ever have to face stupidity again. Mr. Chidambaram echoed the sentiments of his colleague, and further added that the constitution will be amended to make this a fundamental right of people.

According to the bill, a new Ministry of Intelligence (not to be confused with the Defence Intelligence Agency) will be set up to oversee the program. Mr. Shivraj Patil, the former Home Minister, is being widely tipped to head the new ministry. With the new act, intelligence will be made compulsary in schools and colleges.

"What we have today is that a large number of people do not possess sufficient intelligence to survive, and as a country aspiring to be among the leading nations of the world, that is just unacceptable." said Mr. Mukherjee. "Just like poverty, lack of intelligence is also a vicious circle. People who are not intelligent will always be taken advantage of by the intelligent ones, and this will further perpetuate their lack of intelligence. We will break this cycle by making intelligence easily accessible by creating an efficient distribution mechanism, especially in rural areas."

On being asked as to how exactly people will be made more intelligent, Mr. Chidambaram said, "We are suffering a crisis today. Many intelligent and not-so-intelligent people have been leaving the country for opportunities abroad. When they do that, not only are they being selfish, but they are also carrying much needed intelligence away from India. We intend to restrict the flow of intelligence outside the country, and any intelligence that is repatriated back to India will be taxed at the rate of 10%. We will also levy a modest surcharge of 2% on all intelligence that has been acquired within India to fund this program."

When asked whether the implementation of this act will be done in parallel with the implementation of the right to free and compulsory education, Chidambaram said that this will not be the case. The government is looking into setting up intelligence kiosks across the country where the needy can go and gain intelligence.

However, not everyone is happy with this scheme. Mr. Prakash Karat, the general secretary of CPI (M) opposes what he believes is a fundamentalist policy. "There is a very good chance that the minorities will get discriminated against. There is currently no restriction on who intelligence will be distributed to. Essentially, the urban elite, with their advantage of superior intellect, will be able to usurp a disproportionate amount of intelligence for themselves. I have nothing against the right to intelligence act, however minorities should have the first option on intelligence, and it should be provided free to them. I am going to raise a protest against this discriminatory act, and till my these concerns are addressed, the CPI (M) will go on an intelligence strike!"

Predictably, the issue has raised the hackles of several local parties. Raj Thackerey, the leader of MNS, feels that this is a blatant attempt to subvert and destroy Marathi culture. "People of Bihar and UP are already coming in large droves and taking away jobs from local Maharashtrians here. Imagine what will happen when they come armed will intelligence!" he fumed. There were reports of violence in Borivli, a suburb of Mumbai, where a mob from MNS set fire to shops and BEST buses.

The law is revolutionary in the sense that this is the first time such an act has been tabled in any country. However, if not implemented correctly, it has the potential for misuse. While we wait and see if this act becomes a success, one thing is for sure. Even if only a section of the population benefits from this act, the average intelligence of the country will go up and India will take her rightful place amongst the leading nations of the world.

Of faces and asses...

This is the kind of research that deserves a nobel prize. This is the kind of research that will probably end up winning the ignoble prize.

Often times we have some of the most brilliant ideas and imaginations and questions as kids. Then we grow up, and spend the rest of our lives re-inventing the wheel. For example, you might have wondered about the fact that humans look different from each other, while different members of other species all look the same. You might have further wondered whether other species can recognize each other. And then you might have gone off to play cricket. And totally forgotten about it till now.

Apparently some people did not forget. Messers Waal and Pokorny, who presumably had no access to cricket games in which to forget said ruminations, based their entire careers out of that question. How do chimps recognize each other?

Hypothesis 1: They don't give a chimp's ass.

Hypothesis 2: They actually do, quite literally, and recognize each other by their asses! And faces, of course.

Mr. Waal and Mrs. Pokorny then played the children's game of match the following with some chimpanzees, with column A showing a bunch of faces, and column B showing a bunch of asses, jumbled up, of course. And the chimps passed with flying colours!

Naturally, the question then arises, can us humans win at the game too? Of matching faces and asses? Perhaps. But it is not important. Because, you see, chimps move about on fours (legs, I mean, not the other sort). So of other chimps, they see: 1) faces (when face to face), and 2) asses (when butt to face). The research thus makes perfect sense. With chimps, it makes sense to match faces and asses.

Humans, on the other hand, evolved (if you are a conservative nut, please read to the end of the post before taking any action) to move about on twos (legs again). The unfortunate consequence was that asses were no longer in the line of sight of people. Women, generally being smarter than men, evolved further, and developed breasts as a feature that would attract mates.

With this background in mind, I propose a similar "match the columns" experiment on humans. Except, in deference to evolution, asses must be replaced with breasts. For the sake of thoroughness, I also propose part two of the same experiment with asses. The fun part is that in the original experiment, both columns were featured purely by the test taking chimp's acquaintances, for very obvious reasons. Therefore, said test on humans must also feature only acquaintances of the test takers. Further, since it is the women that evolved breasts (and since no one really wants to look at a man's breasts), they will provide the pictures, while the men will take the test.

Is it sexist? You betcha. Ironically, its the women who brought this upon themselves. Is it unscientific due sample bias cutting off half the population? Maybe. But evolution is to blame for that. Testing applicants are requested to provide names of atleast ten female acquaintances.

Mumbai Indians vs Chennai Super Kings Match Review

Four in a row, sweet revenge, the return of God, the Jayasuriya show, call it whatever. Mumbai continued their impressive giant killing form with a comprehensive win over Chennai. Mumbai genuinely look like a team that can qualify for the semi-finals, so to call them giant killers is probably a tad unfair. Heck, who cares.

The pre-match talk was all about the IPL debut of Sachin Tendulkar. There were a few concerns about the squad dynamics with Tendulkar's return, and also about his captaincy. As it turned out, the transition looked seamless, and Tendulkar captained the team in ways he never had done for India.

Pollock turned in his best performance so far, which is saying something given the fact that his bowling all tournament has really been inspirational. Nehra is also getting his groove back, continuing on from his performance against Rajasthan, and together, they gave Mumbai another great start with the ball. Tendulkar surprisingly bowled Pollock out by the 11th over, but with Pollock conceding only 9 runs from his 4 overs, it put pressure on Chennai with the run-rate at that stage just over 5 an over.

Unfortunately, the bowlers lost it after that. Both Dhoni and Badrinath started striking the ball beautifully, and made the bowlers lose their line and length. Even Dhaval Kulkarni, who has previously bowled well under pressure, couldn't handle it, bowling 3 successive wides in the last over. Where at one stage Chennai looked like they might just about get to 130, they managed 156. Not a huge total, but one that could become tricky if we lost early wickets.

It was supposed to be the Sachin-Sanath show during Mumbai's innings. Instead, the whole innings turned out to be a Sanath Jayasuriya show. With Sachin's return, the responsibility of senior batsman was removed from Jayasuriya, and he took it to heart with a display that was straight from 1996. I remember a game against Pakistan where Jayasuriya got Sri Lanka off to a blistering start, and soon after Kaluwitarana got out. A 70 run opening wicket partnership, and Kalu scored 0 in that! When Tendulkar got out in the 8th over, it looked a bit like that. The team total was 82, and Tendulkar had contributed 12!

No other contribution was really needed, as Jayasuriya ended up with 114 off only 48 balls and wrapped up the win inside 14 overs. It was actually more astonishing than it sounds. Perhaps even better than McCullum's innings. Twice he hit 3 sixes in the same over. Jayasuriya has always looked menacing in this tournament, but never converting it into an innings of substance. Yesterday's knock alone might have been worth the money spent on him.

While a lot is expected of Tendulkar (as always), it'll probably take him a couple of games to get into his stride, especially as he is coming back from injury. Jayasuriya's knock couldn't have been timed better from that prespective. If he continues on in this vein, it will give Tendulkar the room he needs to get settled into his role.

I hope I don't jinx the team with this, but this really is looking like the 2006-07 Ranji season all over again. Down and out after three games, with no points and relegation a real possibility, Mumbai fought back with three innings wins to seal top spot in the group, and eventually win the Ranji Trophy.

The batting looks pretty good, with genuine batsmen all the way down to number 8. And Dominic Thornely is yet to get going. So long as he doesn't go the Kambli way on the short balls. The bowling looks pretty good as well, with Pollock an Nehra forming an effective opening partnership, and Kulkarni providing wonderful support. The only thing missing is a regular spinner, though with Jayasuriya and Tendulkar in the team, that problem might not be so acute.

Next up is Kolkata with their over the top celebrations. The team and its owner irk me so much that I'd love to see Mumbai defeating Kolkata more than Mumbai defeating Delhi, at this stage. And I'd especially love to see Sachin repeating his 2003 world cup performance against Shoaib Akhtar. It will also be Dwayne Bravo's last game this season, and will go back for the test series against Australia after the match. Here's hoping we send him off with a win.

P.S. In what is turning out to be a ritual, it was Dhoni's turn this time to be booed. No doubt the crowd is certainly doing a brilliant job at supporting the team, and reactions while the match is on are probably fine with a view to provide an advantage to the home team. But to boo an opponent after the game is over when he hasn't done anything to warrant it is quite unnecessary. Further, how can you really justify booing a player when he plays for a different city, and later cheer for him when he plays for India? Sometimes a player asks for it, for example, Shoaib Akhtar going off on his over the top aeroplane celebration, or a player playing for Delhi (ok, kidding!). But in most cases, the players deserve some respect. Oh well, atleast we are not Delhi, where the crowd stones its own captain!

Death

I demand capital punishment for everyone involved in this atrocity.

Mumbai Indians vs Rajasthan Royals Match Review

Mumbai Indians look like they have gotten into a habit of defeating the table toppers. First Kolkata (okay, there were only 3rd, but they were among the early pace-setters), then Delhi and now Rajasthan! This game again showed that the team is better than what many give them credit for. Not quite as dramatic as the Ewing theory, but the performances have picked up ever since Bhajji was banned. It could be entirely coincidental, but it is more likely that the leadership of Pollock has allowed the other players (especially the younger ones) to get a better understanding of their role in the team.

The team does look a really good bowling and fielding unit, even if the batting doesn't look entirely convincing. Today's display was their best bowling performance so far. Pollock was good as usual, but rather unusually, Nehra stepped up with a man-of-the-match display. Hopefully he is back after his injury lay-off and this does not turn out to be a one-off performance.

I've mentioned how Dhaval Kulkarni has been impressive in previous games, and he simply seems to get better with each outing. He got hammered for 17 in his first over today, but came back superbly in his second spell with 2 for 4 off 2 overs!

The other local bowler who impressed today was Rohan Raje, who was also impressive on his debut against Delhi. Both Kulkarni and Raje look like they possess the ability to consistently pitch the ball in the blockhole, which is a great asset in T20. Of the two, Kulkarni looks like he might also do well in the longer version of the game. It is great to see local players perform in the IPL, and these two might just go on to form part of the nucleus of the team in the years to come.

A mention must also go to Yogesh Takawale, about whom I didn't know much before the IPL started. Atleast Pinal Shah was someone who followers of the domestic game might have been aware of. Takawale pulled off a couple of great diving catches to further reinforce the role fielding is playing in transforming this team from also rans into one that can seriously challenge for a spot in the semi-finals.

So far, it has been the bowling/fielding that has won Mumbai all their games. Pollock attributed the change in the team's fortunes to the fact that it took the team a while to get used to each other's roles and the team is now gelling very well as a unit, even if it boasts of no stand-out performers.

It does remain to be seem how the return of Tendulkar will affect the team. In theory, the team should perform better as the batting will get stronger. Hopefully, it does not affect the team in terms of players suddenly being unsure of their role. Tendulkar is nothing if not a team man, and so the chances of that happening are pretty low. Another aspect is the captaincy of Pollock, which has clearly been of a much higher standard than Bhajji's. While Tendulkar does have an extremely shrewd cricketing brain, his two stints as captain of the Indian team have been failures, though part of the reason there was something beyond his control. Also, Tendulkar has limited experience with T20, so it remains to be seen how he and the team handle this.

The team now have a gap of one week, which almost looks like a vacation in the hectic IPL schedule. Mumbai were originally scheduled to visit the Royal Challengers in this period, but because of elections in Karnataka, that fixture now becomes Mumbai's last in their IPL campaign. Next up is Chennai, again at home. Given Mumbai's form, and Chennai's lack of form following the losses of Hayden, Hussey and Oram, that game should be winnable.

Mumbai Crowd Rocks

Let's have it on record here. The Mumbai Indians fan base is the best in the IPL. The Kolkata crowd may be good and they may be getting all the attention for team loyalty (or is that Ganguly loyalty?), but they are not even a patch on Mumbai.

Mumbai against Delhi has always been a big game in the Ranji Trophy, and yesterday's game was no different, even if it was a top vs bottom clash. And the crowd certainly showed up for the game. We've seen mixed behaviours from the crowds across different franchises, and some of them (Bangalore, Punjab) have been appalling. The concept of supporting a local team hasn't quite caught on in those cities.

Mumbai, however, got into the act from the very first game. Rahul Dravid was roundly booed at the toss, and every decision against Mumbai was met with a defeaning silence, while every four or six from the Mumbai players was met with loud cheers.

The crowd took it to an entirely different level against Delhi. Often in football, people talk of the crowd being the 12th man and even driving the home team towards victory. It is hard to imagine that happening in cricket, but that is precisely what happened.

A huge number of people in the crowds were wearing the colours of the Mumbai Indians, and waving the team flag. But more than that, they created a fantastic atmosphere and quite literally pushed the team to victory. As the match progressed, every good moment for Mumbai was met with louder roars, and by the time Delhi got out to bat, the atmosphere was simply electrifying. Each dot ball was cheered, and while boundaries were met with silence, the roar started again as the bowler ran in to bowl his next delivery.

The crowd was egging on the Mumbai team to win this game, and there was a noticeable lift in the attitude of the Mumbai players, who fielded like their lives depended on it. This put pressure on the Delhi players, and the crowd cranked it up a notch. The atmosphere got to Delhi; they choked, and lost by 29 runs.

In the post match ceremony, Pollock rightfully thanked the crowd for pushing the team towards victory. And in a funny moment, Rameez Raja asked Sehwag if he anticipated the result. Sehwag replied that he did not, and almost immediately, the crowd started booing and heckling him!

What a performance! Take a bow Mumbai. You have certainly set the standard for the atmosphere in the stadium.

Mumbai Indians vs Kolkata Knight Riders Match Review

Finally, a win for Mumbai Indians. And double delight for me as Manchester United reached the Champions League final for the first time after that historic treble winning season.

Off-field distractions initially threatened to overshadow the on field losses after Harbhajan Singh was banned for 11 IPL games, but Mumbai put that behind them to turn in another team performance, this time managing to make it count towards a win. For the first time, they got their line-up right. Ajinkya Rahane maintained his place in the XI and Fernando made his debut, as Ronchi was dropped after a few poor showings. The wicket looked like it had both pace and bounce, and Mumbai went in with a 5 man pace/medium pace attack with Jayasuriya as back up. As it turned out, the wicket was not at all quick, with the ball not quite coming onto the bat, though there was a bit of extra bounce in the surface.

The two major problems Mumbai were facing all along was the failure of the top order, and an inability to contain the opposition batting in the initial overs. Pollock picked up two wickets in his first over and from that point on, Mumbai looked in control of the proceedings. The bowlers did a fantastic job, especially Jayasuriya, who brought back memories of his performance in the 96 world cup semi final, with a great display of controlling bowling. In the end, Dilhara Fernando decided to have a bit of brain freeze, serving up too many long hops and full tosses to help Kolkata to 137. Who said Mumbai would miss Agarkar?

Ironically, Agarkar turned in a better than expected bowling performance as the Mumbai top order failed yet again. Jayasuriya can be excused as the ball from Ishant that got him was a cracker, but Rahane and Manish Pandey just looked miserable out there. The occasion probably got to them, and hopefully we will see better performances from them in future.

The middle order came to Mumbai's rescue this time, with Uthappa, and especially Bravo, playing sensible knocks to carry Mumbai to victory. Apart from the fact that they played perfectly (well, almost) to the situation, the most pleasing aspect of this partnership was the caribbean flair that they both exuded. Bravo, in particular, played his flicks and drives with typical caribbean nonchalance. Its a pity we wont have him for the entire tournament.

A final point. Nehra bowled one over for 9, and was not used again, even when Dilhara Fernando was leaking runs at the end. Has Pollock lost patience with him after his poor showings in the earlier games too? Expect Khote to replace him in the next game.

The win must come as a relief to the team. With Tendulkar expected to be fit for the next game against Delhi Daredevils, this should be the launching pad to qualify for the semi-finals. Mumbai now play their next four games at home, and this is a great opportunity to string some wins together and move up the table.